How many times have you heard the phrases “Put yourself in their shoes” or “Try to see things from their perspective,” or some other variation? You have probably heard these phrases many times, as have I. For a while now, this “perspective-taking” approach has been a common strategy that individuals employ to help themselves better understand others’ thoughts or actions. “Why is this individual acting a certain way?” and “Why did this individual say what he or she said?” It seems only natural that after many years of “perspective-taking” that this is our default approach; that is, to try and better understand others by seeing their experiences as if you experienced them.
The perspective-taking approach sounds like an effective technique. What is more selfless than trying to put your own thoughts and considerations aside and instead approach a situation from the perspective of another individual? Admittedly, I am also one who falls into the category of individuals who have adopted a perspective-taking approach in life. I strive to step into someone else’s metaphorical “shoes” in order to understand their thoughts and actions. However, I also aim to be honest with myself and understand that the individual may be going through extenuating circumstances that I am not aware of.
As strong as the perspective-taking approach sounds, it turns out that as a society, the way we have tried to “put ourselves in other’s shoes” may be a less than ideal fit. Recent research indicated that perspective-taking may not help individuals’ with understanding what others want, think, or feel. Researchers (Eyal et al., 2018) conducted a series of experiments in which participants took the “perspective taking” approach. Participants used this approach to understand strangers as well as individuals they were already familiar with, such as a romantic partner. Results of the study showed that the perspective-taking approach did not help guide participants’ understanding of what the other individual was desiring or feeling. In some circumstances, it actually led participants to assumptions that were completely wrong.
According to this research, if trying to take the perspective of someone else is not as effective as previously thought, what approach should society take? This particular study presented an alternative approach. Rather than trying to take the perspective of another individual, one should simply ask what the individual desires or feels. In fact, by using this approach of simply asking others about their desires and feelings, the accuracy of participants’ assumptions about others’ desires and feelings were significantly higher than if they tried to take the perspective of the other individual.
Personally, after reading this scientific article, I can understand the problems that arise with trying to engage in perspective-taking. Even though we are all humans by nature, we are inherently different. Attempting to take someone else’s perspective implies that one has an effective capability to understand how an individual thinks, acts, and more. It is often not the case that we are accurate with this capability, so we turn to assumptions. I believe these assumptions are grounded in biases that we attain after observing an individual’s outward appearance, explicit behaviors and actions, among other factors.
Instead, simply asking an individual what they actually want or what they are thinking is a way of admitting, both inwardly and outwardly, that a) we are susceptible to our own biases and b) there is a high likelihood that we cannot fully put ourselves in another individual’s perspective. Maybe instead of relying heavily on assumptions, assumptions in which many companies spend millions of dollars trying to formulate through market research and persona creation, we use evidence-based approaches and take the new approach of perspective-getting. Asking what an individual wants and understanding their needs in a more direct way will not only lead to higher accuracy of information but can also have higher efficacy with building meaningful relationships. These relationships can and will pay off profoundly in both personal and professional settings, and will allow for everyone to “get” each other much better.